1996

Academy Awards
Best Adapted Screenplay for Sense and Sensibility
I don’t really know how to thank the Academy for this. And if I try we’ll be here till Christmas. So I better get on.
Before I came, I went to visit Jane Austen’s grave in Winchester Cathedral to pay my respects, you know, and tell her about the grosses. [Laughter] I don’t know how she would react to an evening like this, but I do hope – I do hope she knows how big she is in Uruguay.
Profound thanks to Columbia Pictures and the lovely forms of Lisa Henson, Gary Wiggan, and Mark Canter for hiring a first-time writer; to James Shamus for his rare intelligence; to Sidney Pollack for asking all the right questions, like ‘Why couldn’t these women go out and get a job?’ Why, indeed. To the cast and crew, for being impeccable. To my friend and my teacher, Lindsay Doran, for being the single most frustrating reason why I can’t claim all the credit for myself. And finally, I would like with your permission to dedicate this Oscar to our director, Ang Lee. Ang, wherever you are, this is for you. [Beaming smile] Thank you.

Golden Globes
Best Screenplay for Sense and Sensibility
Thank you very much. Good Heavens. I can’t thank you enough, Hollywood Foreign Press, for honouring me in this capacity. I don’t wish to burden you with my debts, which are heavy and numerous but I think that everybody involved in the making of this film knows that we owe all our pride and all our joy to the genius of Jane Austen. And it occurred to me to wonder how she would react to an evening like this. [Puts down statue on stage, reads paper] And this is what I came up with:
“Four a.m., having just returned from an evening at the Golden Spheres, which despite the inconveniences of heat, noise and overcrowding was not without its pleasures. Thankfully, there were no dogs and no children. The gowns were middling. There was a good deal of shouting and behaviour verging on the profligate, however, people were very free with their compliments and I made several new acquaintances. There was Lindsay Doran of Mirage, wherever that might be, who’s largely responsible for my presence here, an enchanting companion about whom too much good cannot be said. Mr. Ang Lee, of foreign extraction, who most unexpectedly appeared to understand me better than I understand myself. Mr. James Shamis, a most copiously erudite person and Miss Kate Winslet, beautiful in both countenance and spirit. Mr. Pat Doyle, a composer and Scot, who displayed the kind of wild behaviour one has learned to expect from that race. Mr. Mark Kenton, an energetic person with a ready smile who, as I understand it, owes me a great deal of money.
[Emma breaks character, smiles a smile that lit up the room and says, awhile the audience laughs louder than ever before] True!
[back in character] Miss Lisa Hanson of Columbia, a lovely girl and Mr. Garrett Wiggin, a lovely boy. I attempted to converse with Mr. Sydney Pollack, but his charms and wisdom are so generally pleasing, that it proved impossible to get within ten feet of him. The room was full of interesting activity until 11 p.m. when it emptied rather suddenly. The lateness of the hour is due, therefore, not to the dance, but to waiting in a long line for a horseless carriage of unconscionable size. The modern world has clearly done nothing for transport.
P.S. Managed to avoid the hoyden Emily Thompson, who has purloined my creation and added things of her own. Nefarious Creature!”
[Smiles, picks up statue] Thank you.

BAFTA
Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role for Sense and Sensibility
God, thank you, BAFTA. Very much indeed! That’s totally unexpected and really wonderful. I’d like to thank the entire cast, even though they were all vile to me, ’cause I had written it. And principally, the Winslet girl – of whom I’m very fond, in spite of her youth, talent and beauty. And obviously Hardy and Spriggs were very difficult because they actually knew Jane Austen. Never get on with anything. And Alan Rickman and Hugh Grant, of course, who both had bigger trailer than me which I’m still slightly twisted about. But of course my principal thanks must go to Ang Lee, the directer, even though he kept on coming up to me saying things like “Don’t look so old” which was… crushing. So thank you for lifting me out of [Laughter] the depression that that set me into. This is a great thrill and most unexpected honour and I’m very grateful. [Beaming smile] Thank you.